The two types of holidays that tend to bring out the strongest emotions are romantic holidays and family holidays:
* Some common examples of family-focused holidays in the United States are Christmas, Passover, Thanksgiving.
* Romantically-oriented holidays include New Years Eve, Valentines Day, and other holidays when you wish to have a partner by your side, such as an office holiday party.
The trick to changing your holiday experiences for the better is knowing which changes can make the biggest difference. Upgrading any or all of these seven areas can transform any holiday for the better:
1. CELEBRATIONS & PLAYFULNESS: Even the most serious of holidays, with few exceptions, tend to have lighter sides to them. Consider whether you would benefit from emphasizing this aspect more. You don’t have to get rid of old traditions that continue to be nourishing. Just consider replacing some of the old rituals that don’t work well anymore with new possibilities that could be more light-hearted. Want some playful holiday celebration ideas? How about a family snowball fight or a drive in the country? What about going to a concert or movie? There is no end to creative ways to be playful or celebratory.
2. SPIRITUAL EXPRESSION: Many holidays have a more sacred or personally meaningful aspect to them. When this is the case find some wonderful ways to honor that. Consider whether to incorporate more interior time, group devotional activities, or service work into this holiday. Interior expression includes things like journaling, devotional reading, meditating or praying. Examples of group activities include attending services or other sacred rituals. And service work might include setting aside time to assist those less fortunate than you.
3. REMEMBERING: We all know that some holidays seem like inevitable appointments with revisiting the past. Sometimes those past memories are painful and sometimes they are nostalgic or even pleasant. This can be intensified by the loss of someone precious during the past year, when a loved one is dealing with a major life upheaval, or when someone you love seeing during a particular holiday isn’t available this time around. For all of these reasons it may be important to build in some time to talk about these things. Depending on the circumstance, you might do this alone or with others. This is important because missing people and missed times past tend to attend many holidays whether invited or not. So, pull up a chair for them.
4. COMPLETING & LOOKING FORWARD: Some holidays, particularly those occurring toward the end of the year, offer natural opportunities to review the past year and set goals for the next. What goal-setting rituals feel nourishing to you to do, alone or with others? Examples of New Year rituals include doing a year-end review, expressing gratitude you feel for what you’ve learned over the past year, making amends with others, setting goals for the coming year, and expressing wishes you have for others and for the world in the coming year. Make plans for creating this holiday in a happier and/or more fulfilling way next year and forgiving yourself for what you didn’t do this year. Remember that changing holiday traditions takes time – often years – to fine-tune!
5. GIVING & SPENDING: Many holidays are times of giving, and doing this can feel deeply nourishing. At the same time, it’s important to not fall into the trap of over-giving. Over-giving includes spending more money on gifts than is wise for you, more energy cooking than your life balance allows, or too much time with people you’d rather not be with. Giving without regard to your own boundaries inevitably leads to resentment and exhaustion. An “Over-Giving Prevention Plan” can help: a commitment to pure giving out of love rather than contaminated giving out of guilt. Find your limits based on the life energy you have rather than relying on “shoulds” or expectations. Pay attention not only to the total amounts of time and money you reasonably have, and within that to balancing the amount of time or money you devote to each particular task, activity or person. Here’s the simplest measure of overgiving: if you notice yourself becoming resentful you’re probably over-giving. What can you give and spend, and with whom, without resentment? How much money can you spend on gifts (or how much time can you spend making gifts) and sending holiday cards, and for whom, without becoming resentful? Allow yourself to get honest with yourself and live in alignment with your boundaries and your integrity.
6. PERSONAL RE-CENTERING ACTIVITIES: Holidays can have the nasty habit of compromising our life balance, both as we prepare for them and even as we celebrate them. The danger of neglecting the self-care activities that keep you centered and energized always lurks unless you remain mindful. Being true to your personal boundaries can help you maintain your self-care routines. Doing this will help make any holiday more joyous. Make specific self-care commitments to yourself ahead of time. It’s okay to take “time-outs” from the family or the hustle and bustle. Going on regular walks (alone or with others you feel particularly nourished to be with), checking in with growth-oriented friends, going to support group meetings, journal writing and meditation, eating well, moving your body, and getting enough sleep, are all important parts of a wonderful self-care plan. Which self-care/re-centering activities work best for you?
7. PLANNING FOR GLITCHES: If you’re honest with yourself you know beforehand the hurts, fights or other distresses are likely to surface when your family gets together for holidays. Give yourself a break and plan ahead. Here’s how: list all the incidents you suspect could occur. Select new actions you’ll take for each one so that you take better care of yourself should that situation arise.
These are the strategies that have worked well for my clients and for me so I imagine they will work for you too. May your holiday experiences become better and better the more you use them!
Find out how to remain true to your personal boundaries without disrespecting others. To create sustainable happiness without sacrificing social responsibility, visit Dr. Gruder’s website today.
